an open letter to the spiders in my house

[waider]

Dear Spiders,

I am not the arachnophobe I was when I was younger. However. While I am quite happy to tolerate your living in the house, walking up the walls, sitting on the carpet in full view, etc., I draw the line at you scurrying across my chest as I'm lying in bed reading. Consider this your only warning.

Yours, Waider.

Comments

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

This is where I draw the line, as well. Once, while sleeping nekkid on a very hot summer night, a spider ran across my stomach. In my sleep I reached out and smashed it right where it was. When I woke up, I still had spider guts on my belly. So now, if I see a spider on the ceiling over my bed, I tell him, "Sorry, you crossed into enemy territory. You're toast." Then I get ronebofh to squish it for me. ;)

[waider.livejournal.com]

Bah. I have to do my own spider squishing.

Actually, I don't like to squish 'em, either. That squicks me just as much as having one scamper across my shirt.

[2wanda.livejournal.com]

Well you see, rone is taller than I. Even when I stand on the bed, it is hard for me to smack them good enough to kill them. Invariably, they evade my attempt and fall in my hair. I HATE THAT.

So I let rone do it. Then he can feel like my knight in shining armour.

[eejitalmuppet.livejournal.com]

Dear Spiders,

It isn't working yet; he still hasn't paid. You'll have to step up the attacks. For the next stage, I recommend hiding in his towels at shower time, or leaping out of his underwear drawer when he opens it...

Muahahahah