telco whinage

[waider]

So here we are, fourth week in January, approaching the end of my third month in the current digs. I have not, as yet, seen the paperwork for my phoneline, despite said phoneline being activated on November 7th last year, and a bill for two months' service being issued on January 3rd.

In the interim:

• At least a half-dozen calls to customer service, during which I am told various lies such as, "your line will be activated in half an hour", "your old line has been disconnected and the account closed", and "the paperwork must have gotten lost in the post"
• Excuse #3 was the response when I pointed out last week to the customer service drone that I'd already been told that paperwork had been issued no less than three times, and none of it had showed up; during the same period, however, the telco had no trouble with sending me a bill
• I have attempted to register for flat-rate internet access with the telco, only to be told by their online signup that I was attempting to access the site from outside Ireland
• the helpdesk response to reporting the above - that their Ireland-only blocking was blocking an Irish ISP - was to tell me to phone the telco to set up flat-rate access, thus MISSING THE FUCKING POINT
• I attempted to register my account number on-line in order to pay it, and the site refuses to acknowledge that I've actually registered, even though it shows the account number that I typed in; when I click on "details", it says, "you must register your account". I've even tried registering a whole new customer account from scratch, to no avail.

"Jeez, Waider, you dolt," you say, "why not use a competing phone service?"

Aha. You'd think, eh?

Firstly, there's only one serious contender in the residential market providing both phone service and flat-rate Internet access. The latter's what I'm interested in, but I'm also interested in avoiding having to give cash to my current telco if I can at all avoid it. ALAS. My current telco has a monopoly on the local loop as far as residential lines is concerned. And, surprise surprise, they've just slapped an increase on same. My current bill lists the monthly line rental as about €35, plus 21% VAT. So even if I sign up for someone's flat-rate Internet service, typically €30 per month for 150+ hours of access, I still end up paying a further €35 to my current telco for the privilege of having a phone line.

Secondly, returning to the serious contender mentioned above, I started wending my merry way through their sign-up process. At no point does it mention that you're going to be lumbered with the line rental charge. In fact, I emailed the sales address this morning to ask about this, and as of 1am the next day I still haven't had a reply - not even an automated one. Which hardly inspires confidence. Furthermore, their secure website is running on an expired certificate. Errrr. Right. And coffin, nail, hammer, their user agreement has a section on Data Protection, which includes choice items like this (my emphasis):

You have a right to request a copy of the information we hold about you for which we may charge a small fee and to have any inaccuracies in your information corrected. We may use the information which you have provided for the purposes of providing you with information relating to existing, improved or new products and services, including relating to special offers, promotions or competitions of Esat BT, its associated and affiliated companies and/or third parties which we think you may find of interest.
[] I agree unambiguously

Note the complete lack of linkage between the start of the paragraph, my rights under the data protection act, and the end of the paragraph, their desires as a TOOL OF THE DEVIL. By agreeing to rights which they are legally obliged to provide me (and agreement is mandatory if you want to sign up), I am also giving them the right to flog off my personal information as they see fit. There's a note at the bottom of the page which says, "You may at a later date request that we cease using the information for marketing purposes by writing to us at [address]", but seriously now. I am entitled to OPT THE FUCK OUT AT THE START, dammit. I may be running this one by the Data Protection Registrar, although I suspect it probably adheres to the letter of the law, and the law is just full of room for this sort of assholery.

And well, that's the competition taken care of. So, ah. What about complaining to the Telecomms Regulator? Bwahaha. Check out their consumer secion, particularly the bit on being a whiny-ass user of telecomms services. Basically, they don't want to know about it unless you've first "exhausted the provider's customer support" - a reasonable request, but what if the provider strings you along over several months without ever actually telling you that you've reached the end of their customer service? - and then, if they do take an interest, they have no power to do anything other than act as an arbitrator between customer and provider. In other words, they get to say to me and my telco, "can't you just get along?", and if the telco says, "no", that's it. No further questions, your honour.

In case you've not yet realised, I'm really, REALLY fucked off about this. It's sheer insanity, and it's not getting better any time soon. And sure, in perspective it's a luxury and a minor detail because hey, I've got food and a roof over my head, but FUCK IT. I'M ANGRY, and I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

GRAAAAAARGH. HULK SMASH.