what I'm *actually* saying

As linked to by waidesworld, Wikipedia's page on "Hiberno-English". The glossary is an odd mish-mash of slang (some of which I've never encountered) and more "normally"-used words. This one in particular made me laugh (knowingly):

Scoop is used to describe an alcoholic beverage i.e. "Going for a few scoops". It is rarely, if ever, used in the singular (for example "I left my scoop on the table" is not a phrase that would ever be used). Also used is the word Jars (giving rise to the expression to be intoxicated jarred). Both terms usually describe pints.

Of course it's never used in the singular. A bird doesn't fly on one wing, does it?

more linguistic hijinks

"The translations below are shown using both the Latin alphabet and the modern Irish script." (link)

Apparently "modern Irish script" still features the séimhiú (that would be a dot over a letter indicating it is followed by H), the ornate no-lowercase-for-us A, and a somewhat germanic-looking long S with no tail. I think someone needs to revise their sources, although I must admit this could plausibly be the "offical" script in some random corner of our legislature.

this is just SO wrong

"Enhance Your Experience", it says on the box.