I just HAVE to share this.

[waider]

If you thought I was being curmudgeonly about Paddy's Day, check out the inimitable Mr. Ellis:

From: WarrenE@aol.com
Sender: badsignal-admin@lists.flirble.org
To: badsignal@lists.flirble.org
Subject: [BAD SIGNAL]I Don't Care If You Dye Your Pubes Green
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2006 09:46:31 EST

baddy o'signal
WARREN ELLIS

The next person to wish me a
happy St Pat's Day will have their
ISP anonymously informed that
they download pictures of dogs
fucking babies. I've slept with Irish
girls and gotten drunk in Belfast,
which makes me more Irish than
99% of you -- and, whoops, here's
the clue train pulling up to the
station, and it says I'm not Irish
and neither are 99% of you so you
can stick St Pat's Day up your arse.

If you want to celebrate St Pat's
today, eat a raw potato, build a
house out of peat and get yourself
shot by an Englishman.

And guess what? If you were born
in America, you're not Irish, you're
fucking American. Deal with it.

(Though I still advise American
tourists in Europe to tell people
they're Canadian at all times.)

This was your Daily Truth. Please
return to your duties. Thank you.

Now that's curmudgeonly. Mr. Ellis, may you have the best of whiskeys today and every day.

Comments

[zadcat.livejournal.com]

Tsk, I don't think I want some of those folks dragging the name of Canada in the dirt, though.

[avocado-tom.livejournal.com]

Tsk, I don't think I want some of those folks dragging the name of Canada in the dirt, though.

Yes, that's best left to the Canadians. They're better at it anyway.

[nothings.livejournal.com]

That's not just curmudgeonly, that's batshit insane! I'm also not a veteran, a US president, or Jesus!

[eejitalmuppet.livejournal.com]

Very nicely done. And he knows it's "arse", not "ass".

Also, sometimes there is something to be said for "fucking American". ;)

[arguchik.livejournal.com]

and while you're building your house out of peat, make sure to construct all of the doorways at least 6 inches too short, so all yer men have to duck their heads when they go inside. teaches the (taller) irish to show proper respect to the (shorter) british colonizers.

good luck eating that raw potato. if you *really* want to give yourself a taste of life under british colonialism, you should export the good potatoes, and only keep the blighted ones. yum!

i'll take a guinness instead, please...and hold the green dye, thanks. (from the freaking chicago river, too--sheesh! haven't the great lakes absorbed enough crap from us already?)

[matrushkaka.livejournal.com]

I'm with you. I did a photo shoot this morning on a reality TV show set, and everyone was wearing green and yelling "HAPPY ST PATRCIK'S DAY!" Someone went to McDonald's and brought back Shamrock Shakes for everyone. I didn't drink mine. I hope they all get sick from the green food coloring and whatever else the hell goes in those things.

When I drove home, there was some sort of pub crawl going on in a Humvee limousine[1] - it was only 1 PM, but a couple Humvee limousines were parked outside several Irish pubs along Wilshire in Santa Monica. There were guys dressed up in leprechaun costumes and Satyr costumes and some green horrible costumes all in the street screaming.

Any holiday cheer I may have remotely had has been pounded out of my system. tongodeon's friend Mike called and invited us to an Irish bar in Hollywood tonight, and I'm not going. I don't like Hollywood bars, and I certainly don't like them when they're 3x crowded on some alcoholic holiday (St. Pat's, Cinco de Mayo, NYE ...)

Why, yes, I AM a curmudgeon, thanks for asking.

[matrushkaka.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, and [1] - whoever invented the Humvee limousine should be thoroughly sodomized with a splintery 4x4. That is all.

[waider.livejournal.com]

Actually, I hate SUVs, but the hummer limo impressed me possibly through its sheer disdain for EVERYTHING. It's not stylish, it's not economical, it's not manoueverable, it's not green, it's just a BIG FUCKING PEOPLE CARRIER. That sort of brass deserves admiration no matter how much it gets in your face.